Strange Times

Well with everything going on in my life you would think I would be jumping for joy.. beaming with energy.. a smile from ear to ear.. but I have some bad news... I just can't seem to be happy?

Well great news number one.. I'm moving!! I'm finally moving into a place I can call my own that I will own... everything.. it's great!! It's 3 bedroom 2 bathrooms... huge family room.. big kitchen.. bla bla bla... I love the place... so I should be super happy about that...

Great news number two.. I have a new job!! I am getting paid W A Y better then what I was making and it's an awesome job with amazing benefits... and everything inbetween... so I should have a sigh of relief..

Other good news... well that's a secret I cannot share with you!!

Well those are some pretty awesome things that I am so sad about.. well I am not sad about those things.. but I am just sad in general... perhaps I am starting to let things get to me... I have been told some pretty harsh things lateley and I have been just brushing it off.. but now it's starting to hurt pretty badly... I have been ignoring my own feelings about everything going on with the whole "death in the family" thing.. and well... now I am thinking I don't like it so much... I have gained like a zillion pounds it feels like... I don't like the clothes I have.. .I owe people sooooooooo much monies... I owe the hospital so much monies.. My insurance is really blej.. and everything else... I just want to crawl into a ball and cry.. :(

Well yea.. that's about all going on for me now.. I'm not in a very happy mood right now anyways... soooo.. I'll blogg again another day.. maybe this weekend after my first week of work.. I'll probably have a couple things to say about that!

Oh yea... by the way... one of my best friends... he just got out of the hospital so I am stressing about him... something is wrong with is heart or muscle (yes I know a heart is a muscle but the pec) something or another!! That's pretty crazy...

and

Jason has been off the rocker lately... I don't know what to do with him anymore.. I want to make him happy and smile and laugh again.. but I don't... and it makes me even sadder!!!!

Well okay... it's bed time!!

Heavy Eye Lids

Okay.. so it's August 4th.. that only means my 21st Birthday is in exactly FOUR MONTHS!! That's right.. soon I will be the big two one.. no stopping me now! I think it's fitting! I am turning 21.. becoming a woman.. I am moving on my own.. I have a "big girl" job now.. and well.. life is finally starting to look up! I have like a zillion dollars in debts I owe to everyone and their mother.. but I will be able to pay them.. thanks to my new job!

I was laying in bed one night and I rolled over and asked my boyfriend...

Do you think you were put here for a reason?

Now think about it... question it.. roll it around on your tounge.. let it seep into the cracks of your mind.. that question really bothers me. I was reading a magazine, don't ask which one since I don't remember... and I thought about it.. and well.. I don't know how to answer the question and that bothers me! Like isn't everyone supposed to be here for some reason or another? I have no idea what my purpose in life is.. I am not overly good at anything... I am not overly passionate about anything relevent.. I am just a being sucking up the air and poluting the Earth. This almost makes me feel like I am lost... perhaps I will find out later in life.. or maybe I will never find out at all and I was a waste of human worth? I certainly hope not.. but you never know! Anyway... this question later made me wonder... have I impacted anyone's life? Does anyone ever look back and think.. well Thank's for her or I would have never done this.. or whatever!? I have those thoughts just about everyone in my life! It's kind of crazy!? Anyway.... think about that question... if we are or not put here for a reason! Let me know!!

Alright.. on a lighter note... I want a chinchilla really badly! I am pretty sure they are one of the cutest things in the whole wide world!!! I have been asking my other half to get me one since we have been together... so that's roughly 4 or 5 years I have been asking... and I still don't have one! Anyway... they are cute with their big fur ball bodies... funny tail... and sand baths! If you're getting rid of one.. give it to me!! I would name him Beaches!

Okay... Adios... it is time for me to get some sleepies!

She Made Me Do It!

Okay so I am new to this blogging adventure! I don't even know where to begin.. but I do know the first thing I am blogging is the wonderful:

101 Things About Me

My sister did it and asked me to do it too... and well.. here is goes!

101 Things About Me:

1. I am a mutt.. no one knows what I am.. but I think I have it figured out!

2. I start a new job in a couple of days and I am nervous I wont fit in

3. I am afraid of being alone

4. I am afraid of the dark

5. I am a scatter brain

6. Spiders scare the bejesus out of me!

7. I do not trust anybody

8. I like the fact sissy and I have become better friends

9. I love animals.. sometimes more then people!

10. I care too much of what people think about me.

11. I wish I had a "closer" family

12. I get embarressed easily

13. I am depressed all the time..

14. I love rainbows and unicorns

15. I believe in fairies

16. I question God.. and don't really believe in him.. I believe in something.. I just haven't figured it out yet.

17. I miss Papa!

18. I wish I knew my family history a little better

19. I have a boyfriend that nobody likes but I love him and wished that was enough for everyone else

20. I wish I was as smart as people think I am

21. I turn 21 very soon!

22. I am a REALLY bad test taker!

23. I am not soo good at math

24. I love to write papers.. stories.. poems.. anything!

25. I don't have a lot of faith in myself

26. I am an extremely loyal person and wonder if I am the last person in the world like myself.

27. I love mashed potatoes!

28. I am not a very good speller

29. I love Target!

30. I think I like sushi now!

31. I love to read!

32. I am sarcastic

33. I hate to fight.. but when I believe in something I will fight about it until I am blue in the face

34. I hold grudges for a very long time

35. Most people say I have very pretty eyes and a huge butt!

36. I don't think I am very pretty...

37. I don't like when people tell me I am pretty after I say I don't think I am pretty

38. Suicide is for losers.. and I don't believe in it!

39. I am pro-choice

40. I am Catholic

41. I am submissive

42. I miss playing sports on the weekend and getting dirty at practice!

43. I am a good listener

44. I don't have many friends... I don't trust people

45. I miss my best friend

46. I want to be a mommy and scared I wont be a good one

47. I plan my pretend wedding almost every day and don't know if I will ever get married

48. I like boxing

49. Men scare me

50. I have intuitions that are usually true

51. I am an Aunt.. and I could be better at it.. but I will eventually get things together

52. I cannot wait to move out finally into my own home and decorate!

53. Pink and purple are my favorite colours

54. I am confused about my sexuality

55. The Magic Kingdom is my favorite place in the whole world!

56. I want to go to Jamaica and New Zealand

57. I have a new appreciation for cheese... like Brie!

58. I love to eat chicken...

59. I am not the best cook but I really do enjoy cooking!

60. Dove bars... do I need to say more?

61. Sweet Tea is my addiction

62. I have done a fair share of drugs.. and know they are not for me

63. I hate feet.. I hate them A LOT!!

64. I give good advice

65. I love psychology.. and I like to try and pick people apart mentally

66. I wish people admired me the way I admired them

67. I look up to my sister..

68. I love the beach but hate salt water!

69. I am a very sexual being!

70. I create my own world in my head to make myself feel better sometimes

71. I cry a lot.. probably once or twice a week minimum..

72. I want a boob job!

73. I am a horrible dieter.. I hate diets.. and "cheat" on them all the time

74. Breakfast is my favorite meal.. but not necessarily breakfast food

75. Christmas is my favorite time of the year.. but I hate Christmas day!

76. Fall and Spring are my favorite seasons

77. I hurt the feelings of people that mean the world to me and I don't mean it

78. I take advantage of my mother.. and don't realize it until I have already done it.

79. I can keep secrets

80. I am afraid of dieing

81. I love to colour my hair!

82. Pedicures feel fantastic.. but I cringe the whole time I am getting them because I hate people touching my feet!!

83. I want to move out of the country and start a new life alone

84. I have attempted learning different languages and loose interest half way through!

85. I want to be a teacher...

86. I want to own a bar

87. I get annoyed by people very very easily

88. People watching is a lot of fun!

89. I appreciate the human body

90. My favorite family memory is when we all went to dinner with some friends at La Bravo (I think that's what it was called) and I pulled the chair out from under my dad!!

91. I miss having dinner with mommy, dad, and Amy!

92. I miss when Amy used to finish my dinner when I didn't like it!

93. I want to be someone important without anyone ever knowing until I am gone!!

94. I hate attention!

95. Unchained Melodies and African Herbsman are my favorite songs

96. I am "reggae"- One Love!

97. I love giving people presents.. but don't like to get presents!

98. I hate having my picture taken!

99. My dream car is the Jetta and a Volvo!

100. I have a horribly memory

101. I am incredibly moody and sometimes think maybe I am Bi-polar!

There you go.. I am done! That was bit too hard and took way too long!!! But I did it!

Hope you enjoyed.. and I hope I remember to keep blogging!

Ciao!