Oh piss off...

I'm finally moving on.. yuup.. go me!! Told the idiot I'm done and he actually got mad @ me because it wasn't on HIS terms we were breaking up!! How lame-o blame-o is that??!?! Found an apartment and possibly moving this weekend.. GO ME!!!!

UGHDJGSJDFGLKJ

Why.. holy cow why?!?!?!?

Step 1 Complete

Well step one is done.. The abortion is over.. and now just to drop the weight and sign my papers!!

Let me tell you... yesterday was hands down one of the worst experiences of my life!!!! I was awake and could feel the WHOLE thing!!!!! Talk about scary!! On top of being able to hear the whole thing.. Jason didn't even wake up to take me.. thank god for Sara!! I swear next time I'm keeping the little booger! lmoa... I saw the ultra-sound... he was kind of cool lookin... I dubbed him 'Lil Johnny'.. idk why?! Anyway..

It's the final game for the World Cup today.. woot woot!! Let's go Netherlands.. they have seriously won EVERY game this year.. sooo... I hope they kick some serious spaniards ass!

Oh the stress...

Well.. where to begin... Abortion count down has begun.. Saturday is NOT going to be a fun day... I'm showing... I'm in pain... and sort of not enjoying life right now. Good news.. I'm joining the army!! Sooo.. good bye Saint Cloud and hello opportunity!!! Talks of marriage is in the air... who knows what will happen with that.. but I can tell you this now... it aint happenin unless someone gets his shit in order!!!

Possibly leaving for bootcamp in 2 months.. so that does give me a small glipse of hope to be back in town for my birthday.. woot woot.. which BTW... I would love to have themed around Group X.. simply because they're ahhhhhmazing! LMAO!!

Hmm.. don't have too much to report.. love the new job.. hate the new living arrangements... love my doggy... and hate just about everything else.. lol!!

Yea.. who knows

So I am giving up on ever attempting to make plans again... We made plans the other day to go to the beach.. and then he comes home today and says we're going to dinner.. and so I said oh okay.. so we'll go early to the beach... mind you we made like full day/night plans... once again... plans canceled on me... It's getting old... seriously old.

Seriously..

So about the only thing I honestly want to do is join the Air Force.. it will give me an amazing job.. great traveling opportunities.. a stable(ish) life.. and no... can't even do that... I have to wait three months to try again... eff all this... I swear... I just want out of all of this.

Really?

So how can everything seem so good but underneath it all it's just so blejjjj!!!!! Seriously.. okay so I was super nervous about my license being suspended but it ended up getting worked out and all that is owed a fine.. no points!! And then... two.. yes only TWO.. days later I get a speeding ticket. Okay whatever... roll that off.. then I am evicted from my home... which I am getting blamed for because I lost my job.. when someone else could of easily afforded it on their own especially considering I was continuously bringing income in.. so honey stop pointing your finger at myself and realize ya got three others pointing right back at ya!! (thumbs DO NOT count!)... Okay so whatever right... well now we have to live with HIS mother.. and every morning when I wake up and realize where I am and who I am laying next to I cry a little, cringe, and then finally convince myself to get out of bed and run as quickly as possible!! Okay so some more bad news.. my next paycheck is going to be 25 hours vs the normal 62 hours... L A M E!!! And then the big one.. I'M PREGNANT!!!!! Seriously... not much can happen that will make me want to hide and run away.....

When you know it's over

So you really know it's over when your boyfriend of six years decides to spend his monies on an iPod and taking another chick out on a date rather then paying the motgage. You know it's over when the first thing he does instead of saying hey or awknoledging you is check his phone to see what female wrote him. You know it's over when he gets mad that you made a comment such as 'oh your mom had us try that' in the middle of a grocery store because he doesn't want a female to know you're dating you. You know it's over when you can't remember the last time he hugged you or gave you a kiss besides a 'miss the lips' good bye kiss on his way to work. You want to know when you REALLY know it's over... do you? It's when you realize you cannot cry anymore and all you can do is laugh at how stupid everything really is. When you realize that when it was time to get down and dirty and have fun it's only become 'hey blow me or sleep on the couch'! or maybe when you realize that you cannot remember the last time they got you something instead of you getting them something or maybe, here's the big one, maybe you realize it's really over when instead of laughs and jokes and compliments it's only tears, insults, jokes to your expense, and silent sobs.. LOL.. it's amazing.. SIX YEARS.. !!!!

Anyway, things have gone so far down hill I think I hit the bottom layer so hard I made a new couple layers! But things are turning around.. yes they sure are!! I am moving on, slowly I know, but it's certainly happening! All I really can say is...

Fuck you dude!